Dear Yogesh,

I’m a young professional woman in the biotech industry. I started with one company right after college and then was recruited to my current role. I double majored in biology and business, and now my company is supporting me as I pursue an MBA. I love my job, I enjoy school, and I dream of one day being part of a team that uncovers new medical breakthroughs using plant compounds.

Here's my dilemma: I still spend time with some college friends (though not much, between work and grad school), and whenever we get together, the conversation inevitably turns to work-life balance, not wanting to be consumed by a job, and not letting career define us. Many of my friends are pairing up, and it seems like, in most cases, one partner (usually the woman) sacrifices her career for the other.

I don’t really speak up during these conversations because I don’t want to have to defend myself, but the truth is, I’m thrilled to be so focused on my career. I love what I’m doing, and my ambitions are a huge part of who I am.

My mom is concerned I’m going to end up alone and that I’ll regret being so career-focused. She also really wants grandchildren, and I’m not sure I even want to have kids.

What do you think? Am I making a mistake?

Anil

Dear Anil,

Short answer: No. You are in a beautiful place. Having a compelling mission in life is invigorating—it brings excitement and meaning to your days. As long as you’re truly happy, pursuing your dreams can be deeply fulfilling. Don’t let anyone, whether friends or your mother (who, of course, only wants the best for you), make you feel pressured to change your course. This is the perfect time in your life to be singularly focused on your work, and you should enjoy every minute of it while you can.

Longer answer:

When I was in your shoes, back in the 1980s, I was told that women “can have it all,” but the reality was a bit more complicated. Women can have it all—but not all at the same time. There are three key things that women who want to balance everything need:

1. An exceptional amount of stamina. You’ll need energy for a demanding career, taking care of yourself physically, and possibly raising kids. This isn’t easy for everyone, especially if you require a lot of rest or have a strict self-care routine.
   
   

2. Flexibility in your work environment. You need a job that allows you to work on your terms, whether that’s remote work, flexible hours, or understanding bosses. Many successful women have made this a top priority.
   
   

3. A supportive partner. If you decide to have a partner in the future, they need to be just as invested in your success as you are in theirs. This is crucial, especially if both of you want to pursue ambitious goals.
   
   

What you have that previous generations of women didn’t is choice. You can decide exactly how you want your life to unfold. And when it comes to having kids, remember you have options—like freezing your eggs—if you ever feel uncertain later on. The societal pattern you’ve noticed, where one partner sacrifices their career for the other, is common, but it doesn’t have to be your story.

The key is to make decisions based on what you truly want, not out of fear or societal pressure. Regret often comes from acting out of fear of being alone or not conforming, rather than following your authentic path. Keep checking in with yourself as you go. Your values will evolve, and that’s okay—but it’s important to stay aware of any shifts so you can make decisions aligned with your true desires.

You are absolutely allowed to design your life the way you want. Everyone, including me, will have opinions about it, but at the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is yours. As long as you’re staying true to your own voice and keeping your options open, you’ll be fine.

So go for it! Study hard, work hard, and savor your progress. Keep listening to your inner voice, and you’ll navigate it all beautifully.

Best regards, 

Yogesh