Dear Yogesh,

I have a high performer (HP) on my team who excels at transactional tasks, working efficiently and earning praise from those outside our team. HP has aspirations of moving into a managerial role, but unfortunately, they lack the capabilities required for management. Our team is small and lean after two rounds of layoffs, and there is no immediate opportunity for promotion. When the time does come, I don’t see a path forward for HP, as they’ve squandered the chances I’ve given them.

I’ve been deeply invested in HP’s growth from the start. I’ve offered them leadership opportunities, like supervising junior team members, but these didn’t go well. Some of the junior team members even mentioned that HP was overbearing and unpleasant in their approach.

I had high hopes for HP. However, they interpreted my positive encouragement as a promise, which led to some frustration. I’ve made it clear to HP that they should seek out special projects and growth opportunities to develop new skills, but my peers have reported that HP exhibits a fixed mindset. They are not interested in the growth opportunities I’ve suggested, and it seems their only goal is a promotion and a raise.

I’ve tried everything: encouraging talent mobility, giving unique assignments, investing in leadership training, offering extra recognition, trying to build a closer relationship, and being vulnerable with them. But nothing seems to work.

At one point, HP complained, “You’re dumping this job on me because no one else can do it.” So, I gave the project to another team member, who completed it successfully with a positive attitude.

Although I strive to be fair with all my direct reports, when I recognize anyone else, HP becomes jealous. They’ve never provided me with negative feedback directly, but I know that on our last two annual surveys, HP gave me the lowest scores on my leadership effectiveness and wrote harsh comments. They have shown selfish behavior, pretending to align with the team outwardly while speaking negatively behind my back. I’m finding HP’s actions increasingly manipulative and unappreciative of the opportunities I’ve offered.

It wasn’t always like this. The shift began when it became clear that we don’t need another manager in our lean senior team. I’m trying to keep things in perspective, but I’m deeply hurt by the situation.

The first thing I want to do is reflect on myself and see if there’s anything I can change or do differently to repair my relationship with HP and help them grow. Could you share a few growth tips for me as a leader? I feel at a loss and would appreciate your advice.

Sincerely,Harish

Dear Harish,

First, let me ask: If a friend you respect came to you with this dilemma, what would you advise them?

I truly admire your willingness to grow as a leader and your genuine desire to help others succeed. You clearly embody qualities like a growth mindset, personal responsibility, generosity of spirit, and a commitment to others’ development.

However, it sounds like the person you are referring to—your High Performer (HP)—isn’t living up to their potential anymore. In fact, their recent behavior reveals a troubling lack of character. They have:

• Rejected opportunities that could have helped you and the team.

• Demonstrated a fixed mindset (something very difficult to change).

• Showed jealousy when others received recognition.

• Failed to take advantage of the opportunities you carefully arranged.

• Delivered negative, spiteful feedback when they didn’t get their way.

These actions are selfish and small-minded.

Your team has faced significant challenges, and during times of pressure, people often reveal their true nature. I’m glad that HP’s behavior came to light before they had the chance to take on a leadership role.

While you may be tempted to speculate on the reasons for HP’s decline, the bottom line is that you’ve given them every chance to grow—and they’ve consistently failed to rise to the occasion. You are generous in your approach and a strong believer in second chances, which speaks well of you. But at this point, it seems you’re offering everything you’ve got, while HP isn’t meeting you halfway.

Here’s my one piece of growth advice for you: Don’t be more generous with others than you are with yourself. You can be kind and supportive while still maintaining boundaries for decency and respect.

As for what you should do about HP—while you didn’t ask, I believe it’s important to share my thoughts. Take off your rose-colored glasses and stop taking their behavior personally. This isn’t about you—it’s about HP’s refusal to seize opportunities and their ongoing toxicity. The sooner you address this and remove them from the team, the better. Letting HP’s behavior continue risks damaging your team’s morale and your own leadership credibility.

I wish you all the best in navigating this challenge.

Best regards,

Yogesh

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