Dear Yogesh,

I had a big job early in my career, with a lot of management training. Then life happened—I had a child with special needs, followed by another child, then my parents needed care, and my husband made enough to sustain us, so I took a break from the workforce for about a decade.

I recently returned to work, taking a sales associate position at a large retail store. It was supposed to be a low-stress job that would allow me to earn some extra money while my kids were in school. But within a short time, I was promoted to a manager position.

I enjoy the work—it’s relatively low stress because I don’t bring it home. However, there’s a problem: I manage a rotating cast of hourly employees, many of whom are college students on break, young moms, retirees, and so on. I have regular one-on-one meetings with each of them, and the more I listen, the more they share. People call or text me at all hours to ask for advice, update me on situations, or sometimes just to share personal news.

My husband teases me, calling me "The Doctor" because of all the calls I get, and he’s a bit frustrated with how much time I spend on work-related messages after hours.

I truly care about my employees and enjoy being there for them, but I feel like they are starting to take more of my personal time than I can afford. I don’t want to stop being supportive, but I’d like to have more control over this situation. I’d appreciate any advice you have.

Diya

Dear Diya,

I understand your dilemma—it’s one many of us face, especially when we have the gift of being good listeners. It’s a blessing, but as you’ve discovered, it can also come with its challenges.

When I was training as a coach, I found myself in a similar position. The more I listened, the more people talked. Listening deeply is so rare and valued that, once the floodgates open, they can be hard to close. You’re absolutely right—your listening ability has led you to become a go-to for support, which, while gratifying, has started to consume more of your time than you’d like.

So how do you regain control? The answer lies in setting boundaries.

As a manager, it’s perfectly appropriate to establish expectations for how you engage with your team. Conversations during your one-on-ones should focus on work, and while showing empathy is essential, you can steer the conversation back to job-related topics if it strays. You might ask things like:

• Do they have what they need to do the job?

• How is their schedule? Do they need any changes?

• Is there anything you can do to make their workday better?

When topics veer into personal territory, gently redirect the conversation back to these themes. This may feel awkward at first, but setting these boundaries will become more natural as you practice. Start by establishing clear guidelines with new hires, setting the tone for those early interactions.

As for the after-hours calls and texts, it’s completely reasonable to establish personal boundaries. I recommend responding with a brief, polite text such as, “I’m currently focused on family time and will be happy to connect tomorrow during work hours.”

For those who have gotten used to reaching out after hours, it might help to have a direct conversation with them to explain your new boundaries. Let them know you’re still available for support, but you need to balance your time better.

One thing to consider is what core need you’re fulfilling by being so available to others. It sounds like you have a strong desire for connection and to help, which is a beautiful trait. But it’s important to ensure that this drive doesn’t deplete you. The need to help is infinite, but your capacity isn’t. Setting boundaries will allow you to meet your own needs while still being there for others.

You have a big heart, Doctor, and the world certainly needs more people like you. But to continue giving without burning out, you need to treat yourself with the same care and respect that you offer others. That way, you’ll always have enough to give without sacrificing your well-being or time with your family.

Best wishes,

Yogesh