Dear Om,

Thank you for sharing your challenge. It’s clear you take pride in your confidence and straightforwardness—qualities that often define great leaders and high achievers. It must be frustrating to feel that these strengths are perceived as intimidating or off-putting by others, especially your supervisor.

That said, it’s worth reflecting on whether those strengths are, at times, coming across too strongly. Let me explain.

You describe yourself as “confident” and “efficient,” but are you someone people feel safe confiding in? You pride yourself on seeing things as “black and white,” but are you open to shades of gray? You focus on keeping things “business,” but do you ever prioritize the human side of work? If your supervisor avoids conversations with you, it might be a sign that you’re unintentionally missing opportunities to build connection.

The challenge here isn’t about abandoning your strengths—it’s about balancing them. This isn’t an either/or situation where you have to choose between being strong or approachable, confident or open-minded. It’s about embracing both.

The Power of AND Thinking

Often, we fall into what’s called the “Fool’s Choice,” an either/or mindset that says, “I can either be direct, or I can be seen as weak,” or, “I can either prioritize results, or I have to focus on people.” This binary thinking limits us.

Instead, consider AND thinking: How can you be confident AND approachable, strong-willed AND collaborative? Embracing this balance doesn’t weaken you—it makes you more effective and well-rounded.

How to Shift the Dynamic

Here are some strategies to temper your strengths in a way that fosters connection while maintaining your effectiveness:

1. Show Vulnerability:
   
   

• If you’re struggling with a project, ask for advice or input from a teammate.

• Admit when you don’t have all the answers. Vulnerability can build trust and make you more relatable.

2. Pause and Listen:
   
   

• Before charging ahead with your perspective or plan, pause and seek input from others. Show you value their ideas, even if you don’t agree.

• Listen actively—not just to respond but to understand.

3. Build Personal Connections:
   
   

• Learn about your colleagues beyond their roles. Ask about their interests, challenges, or wins outside of work. These small acts of connection can humanize your interactions.

4. Practice Empathy:
   
   

• Notice when someone might need patience, understanding, or grace. Small gestures of kindness can go a long way toward building trust.

5. Seek Feedback:
   
   

• Have an open conversation with your supervisor. Acknowledge the dynamic you’ve observed and ask for their perspective. For example, “I’ve noticed that we don’t always have open communication, and I want to understand how I can help make our conversations easier and more productive.”

Rethink What Strength Means

True strength isn’t just about being decisive and efficient. It’s about knowing when to lead and when to step back, when to speak up and when to listen. If your personality feels so dominant that it creates barriers in relationships, then is it truly serving you?

You’ve already identified that your approach isn’t yielding the outcomes you want with your supervisor. If others perceive your confidence as intimidating, it’s worth considering how you can adjust—not to compromise who you are but to become more effective in achieving what you truly want: trust, respect, and collaboration.

By adopting AND thinking, you can maintain your strong, straightforward nature while fostering the approachability and openness that build meaningful relationships.

Wishing you success as you take these steps toward more productive interactions.

Best wishes,

Yogesh