Dear Yogesh,

I’m a financial analyst, and this is my first job after college. I’m good with numbers, and I was excited to land the role. However, I’m really struggling with my boss. She is constantly critical, and if I make it through the week without crying, it feels like a miracle. I always try my best and double-check my work, but she finds faults no matter what. One day she’ll approve something, and the next day, it’s wrong. It’s frustrating because I can never predict what she’ll criticize, and her inconsistency is demoralizing. I feel like I’m failing at my first job, and with the current job market, I don’t feel confident about finding another one.

What advice do you have for me?

Kumud

Dear Kumud,

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through—it sounds tough. Some bosses believe their job is to point out every flaw, thinking it will make their team better. Others may relish the feeling of control and power, which can be even more demoralizing. While I won’t speculate on your boss’s intentions, understanding whether she’s genuinely trying to improve your work or simply being inconsiderate will help you navigate this situation.

Here are some things to consider:

• Is there a pattern to her feedback? Does she focus on certain areas (e.g., content, process, style)? If so, there may be a method behind her madness that you haven’t deciphered yet. It’s also possible that she’s inconsistent with her preferences—maybe she changes her mind without realizing it.
  
  

• Is the criticism personal? Does she attack your competence or make demeaning comments? Or is it purely about the work itself? Understanding this distinction will help you decide how to respond.
  
  

I want to focus on you for a moment, because you can’t control your boss’s behavior, but you can control your reaction. This situation, as painful as it is, can be an opportunity to grow thicker skin and develop resilience. Here are some strategies:

1. View criticism as information: If the feedback is inconsistent, treat it as noise. Instead of trying to avoid it, anticipate it and don’t let it get to you. Ask questions like, “I thought you approved this last time. Can you help me understand what changed?” or “What general guidelines can I follow to improve?” Keeping track of her feedback will help you discern patterns, and if she’s truly just trying to make you miserable, you’ll see that more clearly.
   
   

2. Take nothing personally: Remember, criticism is about the work, not about you as a person. Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements offers a powerful perspective: “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” People act based on their own perceptions and challenges, not yours.
   
   

3. Practice compassion: When your boss criticizes you, try to see it from her perspective. Perhaps she’s critical of herself and projects that onto you. While it’s a stretch, practicing empathy can help reduce the emotional weight of her comments.
   
   

Finally, I’ll tell you this from my own experience: I spent years being criticized in ways that made me question my abilities. It was painful, but over time, it made me stronger. The key is to remember your value. You are skilled and competent—nothing can take that away. Stay focused on your growth, even if it means you shed a few tears along the way. In the long run, this situation will make you more resilient and prepared for whatever comes next.

If your boss is truly out to get you, it’s important to evaluate your options and consider finding a new role. The job market may seem daunting, but there’s always a place for someone who is hardworking and competent. If, however, she’s simply clueless, try to give her the benefit of the doubt and focus on your own performance. Either way, remember that you’ll get through this. Stay strong, keep showing up, and trust that better days are ahead.

Best Regards,

Yogesh

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