Dear Yogesh,

I’ve always managed stress well in my personal life—whether it was difficult pregnancies, raising a child with special needs, or helping my aging parents. But now I’m going through a tough divorce, and it’s been a different kind of challenge. My kids are all struggling in different ways, and it’s taking a toll on me. I’ve recently realized that this situation is beyond my coping abilities.

I had to untangle a huge mess recently because one of my direct reports didn’t want to bother me, thinking I had too much on my plate right now. I’ve come to realize I’ve been ignoring requests, snapping at people, and avoiding tasks that are critical for moving projects forward. I’m watching myself from a distance and wondering, “Who is this person? You know better than this. Where has your composure gone?”

I keep hearing the same advice—exercise, meditate, take care of yourself—but honestly, none of it helps. I’m hoping you can offer another perspective.

Tirth Ram

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Dear Tirth,

First, I have to say it’s true—exercise and meditation really do help. But I hear you, and I’m not going to give you the “self-care” lecture just yet. Instead, I want you to find one simple thing that helps you feel grounded. It doesn’t need to take time or require learning something new—just something that helps you center yourself.

My heart goes out to you. Divorce is one of life’s most destabilizing transitions. When I went through it, I once found myself driving the wrong way on the New Jersey Turnpike with three kids in the backseat. My sister called me to tell me I had taken the wrong exit, and I insisted she was mistaken. Needless to say, she was right. That’s just one example of the madness that can set in when stress is at a boiling point. You’re navigating an extraordinary amount of strain right now, and it makes everything feel chaotic. So here’s my advice:

GET HELP.

Find a therapist or counselor who you can talk to on a regular basis. Many companies have Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) that offer a few sessions with a therapist. That might be just what you need.

Alternatively, if you have a best friend you trust, call them every day for seven minutes. Just vent. No advice. No problem-solving. Just venting. You can even set a time limit—just make sure it’s a one-month agreement so it doesn’t feel endless.

Or consider finding an online support group.

Whatever you choose, the bottom line is this: you don’t have to go through this alone. It’s okay to ask for help.

Another tool I’d recommend is something you might not hear elsewhere, but it’s one that has helped me—and many of my clients—through tough times. It’s a technique from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron called “Morning Pages.” It’s simple: you write three pages of stream-of-consciousness thoughts first thing in the morning. It’s not meant to be “good” writing—it’s just a brain dump. You don’t need to overthink it. Here’s how Julia Cameron describes it:

“Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream-of-consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages—they are not high art. They are not even ‘writing.’ They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind—and they are for your eyes only.”

The beauty of this technique is that it only takes about nine minutes, and it can have a profound effect on your mental clarity. It’s quick, free, and doesn’t require anyone else’s help. Many people turn to Morning Pages in difficult times because it clears the mind and resets the emotional compass. It’s worth trying.

As for your work, it’s clear your team cares deeply for you. Help them understand what they can handle on their own and what truly needs your attention. This period of personal challenge may even allow some of them to step up in ways they haven’t before, and that’s a silver lining. Be open with them about your situation, even if at a high level. Let them know how to operate during this time and express appreciation for their support.

You're used to being a high performer, and right now, you’re falling short of your own expectations. That adds extra stress, but it’s okay. You’re going through a lot, and others will cut you some slack. It’s time to cut yourself some slack, too. This is a temporary moment in time, and it will pass.

Lastly, remind yourself that this will end. It won’t end tomorrow or next week, but it will end. And when it does, you’ll be wiser, more compassionate, and better equipped to handle the next challenge that comes your way.

Best regards,

Yogesh

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