Dear Yogesh,

I am a financial advisor, and I manage a team of six people under me. In my team, there is an employee who often passes negative comments on the competence of other team members and sometimes tries to undermine the leadership decisions. 

Her work is good, but her comments have influenced a lot of people in a bad way. This, in turn, creates a toxic environment. How can I handle this behavior?

Dear Naman, 

There are times in our careers when we meet people who might create negativity through their words or work. But such judgments are based on our personal opinion and might vary from person to person. Therefore, it is important for you to realize a few things before you jump to a conclusion. 

From the above-given situation, one thing that is a must is a Crucial Conversation. Before we move forward, I think it is important for you to clarify if it is her opinion that you find negative or the way she puts it forward to the team. I would suggest you take care of these three things before proceeding. The first is prepping yourself for the conversation. The second is to keep in mind what you need to say while you have the conversation, and the third is prepping yourself after you’ve had the conversation. 

Let’s take a look at how you can have the opportunity to make it clear to her about your differing viewpoints.

Before the Crucial Conversation

Before you try to have a conversation with your employee, it is important for you to gather some important information. You need to master your stories and gather some facts. To master your stories, you first need to let go of your judgment. 

For example, as you’ve mentioned in your question above, you believe that her opinion creates negativity in the environment or creates toxicity for other group members. These are simple conclusions of what you think has happened. They’re your judgments of her behavior.

If you go into a conversation with a conclusion in hand, you might sound aggravated, and with these conclusions at the forefront, you’re likely to provoke a defense.

It is better that you start with identifying the behaviors that are problematic to you and note down a few incidences and examples to support your statement. For instance, was there a comment made by her in a meeting that challenged a leader’s decision? What was it? When was that meeting? And how exactly did her peers react verbally or through actions that led you to believe she influenced them? 

The list should include the following:

Why would a rational person do or say these things?

• Is there a possible explanation for her behavior?
• What are the tangible consequences that have happened?

In the Middle of the Crucial Conversation

It is important for you to note that her conversation needs to happen at the scheduled time and should happen one on one. Do not have this conversation at lunch hours or calling her out in the meeting in front of everyone can also create negative consequences. 

Start your conversation by creating a safe environment to talk and by stating your purpose. Do it politely and find something true and positive to say to convey your respect.

After that, share your findings and the facts that you’ve gathered. You can start as “In our last team meeting, I shared the intel that executive leadership has outlined. You then said ________ in what seemed like sarcasm. Then others started complaining and venting, rather than communicating concerns. The meeting never got back on track.”

Try to be humble and to the point when sharing your concerns. 

When you do so, ask her about what she feels. Your goal during the meeting should be to gather her perspective and meaning. Don’t try to resolve the disagreement right there and then.

You might uncover that you don’t have a disagreement but rather a misunderstanding. Annoyance, frustration, and fear can turn to tolerance, acceptance, and understanding.

After You’ve had the Crucial Conversation

Regardless of whether you uncover a misconception or a distinction in perspectives, make it a highlight to stay in the discourse and check in with it consistently. You may finish up your underlying discussion, "All things considered, I can see the value in where you're coming from. Thank you for sharing your viewpoint. How about we meet again one week from now. I'll come ready with a couple of thoughts that we can discuss."

Or on the other hand, you may explain a couple of expectations and request that your employee should work on specific practices. Attempt to help your colleague to take on or foster expected behaviors. Think about how you can enable rather than persuade her. There are a couple of courses designed to turn such disagreements into dialogues. Crucial Conversation for Mastering Dialogue by Crucial Learning is one of those. 

Regards,

Yogesh Sood

The above is an adaptation of a blog written by Ryan Trimble on DECEMBER 22, 2021

https://cruciallearning.com/blog/managing-a-negative-influencer/