Sincerely,

Geeta

Giving feedback to your boss definitely presents unique challenges. The power dynamics at play make the stakes feel higher, but ultimately, your boss is still a person who is capable of change. Approaching the conversation with care, respect, and preparation can help you address the situation without jeopardizing your relationship or position.

Here’s how I would approach the conversation:

1. Do Your Homework

Before raising the issue with your boss, make sure you have concrete examples of how their talking impacts you or the team. Without specific instances, your feedback might seem like a vague opinion rather than a constructive observation. If you feel comfortable, it might be helpful to check your perception with trusted colleagues—are they noticing the same issues? This can give you a clearer understanding of whether the problem is isolated to you or is more widespread.

2. Test for Readiness

Timing is key. You’ll want to ensure your boss is in a receptive mindset before diving into tough feedback. A simple way to do this is by asking, “I have some feedback I’d like to share, if you’re open to it,” or, “Is now a good time for a conversation about something I’ve noticed?” This gives your boss an opportunity to agree to the discussion and helps to set a more collaborative tone.

I’ve seen this approach work well when people use phrasing like, “I have a perspective to share—would it be alright to talk for a moment?” This shows you value their time and are asking for their consent before moving forward.

3. Share Your Intentions Clearly

Once you’ve gained their agreement to talk, be sure to share your good intent. Let your boss know that you want to provide feedback because you care about the team’s success and want to help improve communication. Frame the feedback in a way that focuses on the impact of the behavior rather than labeling it as “bad” or “wrong.” For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed that when there are long conversations about topics that aren’t directly related to the meeting, it sometimes feels like we lose momentum and focus.”

4. Ask for Grace and Space

Acknowledging that you’re nervous can help disarm any potential defensiveness. It can be useful to say something like, “I’m a little nervous to bring this up, and I might not say everything perfectly, but I hope you’ll give me some grace and be patient with me.” This sets a tone of vulnerability, making it more likely that your boss will respond with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

5. Remember What’s at Stake

When giving feedback to a superior, it’s easy to get caught up in self-doubt. But, as Joseph Grenny has pointed out, if you care about the success of your team and company, it’s worth pushing past the discomfort. The potential positive impact of your feedback—helping your boss recognize the issue and improve—might be crucial to your shared goals. When you remember the larger picture, it can help you find the courage to speak up.

6. Take Care in Your Delivery

In any crucial conversation, it’s important to show respect for the other person. As a boss, I would be especially mindful of not overstepping boundaries or seeming disrespectful, even if I was the one with feedback to give. If I’m in a position of power, I must also remember to deliver my feedback with the same care and attention I would expect if the roles were reversed.

In conclusion, even though it’s nerve-wracking to give feedback to your boss, it’s possible to do so in a way that fosters respect, understanding, and positive change. By preparing well, timing your conversation, and focusing on your boss’s growth and the success of the team, you can navigate this tricky situation effectively.

Best regards,

Yogesh