Dear Fareed,

Thank you for reaching out with such a challenging situation. Let’s dive right into how to handle this.

First, I’ll assume you’re confident in your assessment—that this individual has a consistent pattern of lying, and you have concrete evidence to back this up. Given that you’ve already confronted them without any meaningful change, let’s explore what comes next.

Content, Pattern, and Relationship Conversations

In the third edition of Crucial Conversations, we outline a framework called CPR, which helps you address issues at the right level:

1. Content: The first conversation should focus on the immediate issue—a single instance of lying. You address the facts, share your concerns, and seek a resolution.
   
   

2. Pattern: If the behavior repeats, the issue shifts from the specific instance to a broader pattern. At this stage, you discuss the recurring behavior and its impact, aiming to uncover and address the root cause.
   
   

3. Relationship: When the pattern continues despite prior conversations, the problem becomes about trust. At this level, the issue is no longer just about the lies—it’s about how the dishonesty has fundamentally affected your ability to work together.
   
   

Based on your description, you’ve already addressed the content and pattern. Now it’s time to have a relationship-level conversation.

Addressing the Relationship

A relationship conversation is about recalibrating expectations. It’s not just about addressing dishonesty but acknowledging how it has damaged trust and how you can move forward.

Here’s a possible approach:

1. Acknowledge the reality: Begin by clearly stating the pattern of dishonesty and how it has impacted your ability to trust them. For example:
   “I want to have a candid conversation about where we stand. There have been multiple instances where I’ve found your statements to be untrue, despite previous conversations about this. This has made it hard for me to rely on your word and, in turn, to work effectively with you.”
   
   

2. Set boundaries: Explain the measures you’ll be taking to manage the relationship moving forward. This step isn’t about punishment but about creating transparency and accountability. For instance:
   “Given the situation, I’ll need to verify your reports and double-check information going forward. I want to be transparent about this so there are no surprises.”
   
   

3. Share your intent: Emphasize that these boundaries are not meant to punish or embarrass but to ensure productive collaboration while trust is being rebuilt. For example:
   “This isn’t how I want things to be. My goal is for us to work in a way where I can fully trust you again. I’m open to that possibility if you’re willing to work toward it.”
   
   

Accepting Your Choice

You’ve mentioned that walking away isn’t an option. While I respect that decision, it’s important to acknowledge what it means. Choosing to stay in this relationship involves accepting certain trade-offs.

If you remain, you must acknowledge that you’ve made a conscious decision to work with someone who has demonstrated dishonesty. This choice comes with responsibilities:

1. Let go of resentment: New lies shouldn’t come as a surprise or lead to feelings of blame or bitterness. Remind yourself that you’ve weighed the pros and cons of staying and made your choice.
   
   

2. Focus on what you can control: you can’t force honesty, but you can set boundaries and manage the relationship in a way that protects your integrity.
   
   

Encouraging Growth

Lastly, frame your actions as an invitation for change. By being transparent about your boundaries and your willingness to rebuild trust, you give the other person an opportunity to rise to the occasion.

For example:
"I hope we can get to a place where these boundaries are no longer necessary. I’m willing to revisit them if I see changes in how we work together."

It’s never easy to navigate relationships with imperfect people—especially when trust has been broken. But by approaching the situation with clarity, boundaries, and openness, you can manage this relationship with integrity while leaving the door open for improvement.

Best wishes,

Yogesh